Camryn Aurora is 6 months old today! She is such a joy and a pleasure. She has started to babble a lot lately. She can sit up by herself and loves to play with ther toes or eat them. She has started to put herself to sleep in her crib at night with minimal tears but still wakes up at least once a night to nurse. She likes to be on her belly or rolling around. She can pretty much get what she wants by dragging, pulling and rolling to it. She pushes up on her arms and scoots backwards but she has yet brought her legs up into crawl position. She is teething and I can see one teeny tiny bottom tooth just waiting to pop up. It still hasn't yet but I'm sure it'll get it's own post when it does. She's eager to eat but just hasn't gotten the hang of not thrusting her tongue forward and pushing all of the food out of her mouth. She started eating bananas but it made her belly hurt a bit so I'm waiting a few days to try and introduce something else. She is 28 1/2 inches long but still holding at around 15 1/2 pounds. She is going to be a tall, skinny girl I guess. She fits our family perfect and I'm so glad that she is all mine. 
Showing posts with label Number 7. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Number 7. Show all posts
Monday, February 25, 2013
6 months....
Camryn Aurora is 6 months old today! She is such a joy and a pleasure. She has started to babble a lot lately. She can sit up by herself and loves to play with ther toes or eat them. She has started to put herself to sleep in her crib at night with minimal tears but still wakes up at least once a night to nurse. She likes to be on her belly or rolling around. She can pretty much get what she wants by dragging, pulling and rolling to it. She pushes up on her arms and scoots backwards but she has yet brought her legs up into crawl position. She is teething and I can see one teeny tiny bottom tooth just waiting to pop up. It still hasn't yet but I'm sure it'll get it's own post when it does. She's eager to eat but just hasn't gotten the hang of not thrusting her tongue forward and pushing all of the food out of her mouth. She started eating bananas but it made her belly hurt a bit so I'm waiting a few days to try and introduce something else. She is 28 1/2 inches long but still holding at around 15 1/2 pounds. She is going to be a tall, skinny girl I guess. She fits our family perfect and I'm so glad that she is all mine. 
Friday, January 25, 2013
5 months old...
Camryn Aurora is 5 months old today! It makes me so sad because it is just going too fast. I love her so much...like seriously I want to smother her with kisses all day long she is that adorable. At her last dr. appointment about a week ago she was 27 inches long and weighed 15 lbs. 6 ozs. She loves to be on her belly and scooting around all over the place. She mostly does a series of scoots backward and rolls to get where she wants. Luckily, she isn't trying to travel all over the house yet, she's keeps it to a pretty limited area. I love her giggles and her smiles. She's learned to control the music on the mobile hanging from her crib which gives me a couple of extra quiet minutes in the morning while she entertains herself. I swear last night she said MUM....she did....I know she did. How could she not?? She LOVES me. I'm definitely her favorite and she might be mine! :)Happy 5 months pretty baby!!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Processing the Birth Experience
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| Camryn Aurora - 5 Days Old |
I've had the chance to talk to a few people about the experience and just when I start to feel good about it the doubt and the sadness comes creeping back. Looking back I honestly think that had my water just broken earlier I never would've had time to go on mental lock down. I guess you can argue that it is what it is and I shouldn't dwell on it because Camryn is here now and that's all that matters but i still feel sad that it wasn't what I had planned. It wasn't the beautiful birth story I had envisioned.
Since I had Camryn I've had the opportunity to see the postpartum nurse a couple of times but not the midwife. I honestly have no idea what the urgency was after I delivered the baby. The only thing i can gather was that I was bleeding out quite a bit, hemorrhaging maybe? When I researched why you would have to have a pitocin shot after giving birth everything basically pointed to a hemorrhage so I assume that's what happened. I haven't yet had the opportunity to ask.
As for right now i can definitely say that I'm super grateful that Camryn is here and that I'm no longer pregnant. I'll continue to deal with the other emotions as they come.
Monday, September 10, 2012
The Birth of Camryn: Part 3
I don't know how long I laid there for. 20 minutes? An hour? I felt like I slept, like I actually got some good rest despite the fact that I was already at a 10 and probably should've been pushing. I remember I had three good contractions laying there. I moaned through them, rocked my body, held my body tensely and I would squeeze my legs together as hard as I could through each one. As the contraction passed I would fall back into my restful state. I could feel that the end was close but by that point I had decided I wasn't having the baby, I wasn't going to do this anymore and I was literally holding my baby back from being born. Im not sure how I did it but I must be pretty strong willed.
My midwife who had been attending to me came in with an older more experienced midwife. Throughout my pregnancy I had seen all 4 midwives at the office so I knew each of them well and she was at the top of my list. I needed someone to take charge because there was no way I was going to do this on my own. My poor, sweet husband had exhausted all efforts and he was right beside me but I could tell he too was weary. He continued to stay strong for me but he knew there wasn't much more he could say or do for me at that point. The new midwife took charge right away and decided she was going to check me....again. (Side note: Omgosh with the checking....Ive never been checked so much!!) My first midwife told her that my membranes hadn't ruptured yet. I was lying on my side and midwife #2 asked me to hold my leg up while she checked me but I'm pretty sure I refused. This is where things get really fuzzy and blurry. I don't know if #1 held my leg or if #2 did it or if I was actually holding it up even though I had refused....I don't think it really matters really but the next thing I know is that while she is checking me for dilation, knowing full well I'm at 10 and have been for awhile, my water broke. I remember that it was so painful and then pop my water broke and I had a massively painful contraction.
I began to cry, I was throwing a tantrum really and midwife #2 was asking what was wrong. She wanted to know if there was something she could help me work through because at that point I was basically refusing to have the baby. I explained that I was just scared, I didn't need to work through anything. I felt like an idiot because as a woman who had done this 6 times I couldn't understand for the life of me why I couldn't just have this baby. Why was I so damn scared??? I was screaming No! NO! Im not ready, Im not ready! It was the most terrifying, most insane moment of my life. In my head I'm thinking WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!? SHUT UP! YOU CAN DO THIS! But my mouth was screaming I CAN'T DO THIS! I'M NOT READY!!!
At some point during all of that they were getting the tub ready for me and I could hear it running in the background. At that point I wanted nothing more than to get in that tub and see if maybe the water could help me relax. During the next painful contraction I could feel the baby descending and I knew she wanted out. I knew my body was pushing but I was squeezing as tight as I could, willing myself not to push because I wanted to get to the tub before I had her. I don't know why but I had become fixated on the sound of the water running and I NEEDED to get in that tub.
When the contraction subsided Jeremiah helped me stand up and walk to the tub. Miah on one side and I think midwfie #2 on the other. Midwife #1 was already near the tub waiting for me...I think. Was the nurse there by the tub, too? I don't know. It's amazing to me how fuzzy this part was...how many holes there are in my memory only a couple days after I had her. I lifted my leg to step into the bath tub and I immediately felt the warm water around my foot, I lifted my second leg in and tried to sit down. I was paralyzed, as I was standing there halfway between standing and lowering myself into the tub the baby came ripping through me, ripping out of me. I tried to fight it but I was pushing and screaming. It was so immediate when I stepped my foot in the tub that Jeremiah didn't realize I was pushing. He was still trying to help me sit down in the tub when he realized she was actually right there, coming out. I stayed standing. I'm not sure who I was holding on to or who was holding on to me. I know Jeremiah must've been one of them but in that moment I was oblivious to anything but the baby. I pushed...at least I think I pushed...and I screamed and I screamed and I wondered if she was out yet. Had I delivered her head and shoulders yet? Was she still crowning? I dont remember the pushing as much as I remember the screaming.
It seemed like it all happened in less then a minute and then....she was there.
Somehow I sat down in the water or someone sat me down right as soon as I had her. I was handed my baby. I don't know who gave her to me. Midwife #1? I'm pretty sure she was the one that caught the baby. I was sitting in the water, holding my new baby. She was crying, I was crying. It was so fuzzy. Was she a girl? I checked. Yep. Was she alright? Yep. All I could say was "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Because I was so sorry I had tried to hold her in and keep her from coming. I felt horrible. I felt amazed. I felt relieved. I tried to keep her warm in the water as best I could while the midwives all fussed around me. I always wait for the cord to stop pulsating before I let them cut it. I guess her cord must have stopped because they got it ready, clamped it and Jeremiah cut it. In my head it seemed so soon for the cord to have stopped pulsating but I really have no sense of time for anything that happened from the time my water broke to when I had her or anything after. I know she was born at 9:25am.
Jeremiah was sitting on the edge of the tub and he was teary eyed and crying. He seemed so happy. I, however, was feeling like I was having an out of body expereince, like I was just watching everything that was going on around me. Generally, after I give birth I enjoy just holding my baby and "relaxing" until my body says it's time to deliver the placenta. Sometimes I nurse during this time, sometimes I don't. I remember sitting there holding her...It was like a dream....then I remember the water turning red. Blood slowly crawled across the water. I kind of felt like I was in a horror movie. It all seems like such a blur to me. I was there, it was happening to me but yet my memory seems as if I was just a spectator. I have no idea when they took the baby away. I know they gave her to Jeremiah but I don't remember giving her to him. Where did he go with her? Midwife #2 told me I needed to stand up and get out of the tub. I felt really weak and so, so tired. I tried to tell her to wait and give me a second because I didn't feel like I could get up but she didn't let me. In my minds eye she basically yanked me from the tub and made me go over to the bed. I vaguely remember it. I was standing next to the bed in my wet gown and they decided to have me take it off cause I was dripping wet. I laid down on the bed and someone was massaging my belly and kind of tugging on my cord to help deliver the placenta. They did this in hospital births but I never did this in home birth. I always delivered it when my body was ready. I kind of felt like something was wrong but I had no voice, I felt like I was on a cloud, so I just laid there. I was given a shot of pitocin and I was told I'd feel a pinch. I guess I agreed but I don't remember the "pinch," I didn't feel a thing. I was floating...floating...and people were all around but I don't know where my baby was.
I honestly don't remember when or how I got into bed properly (because before that i was laying sideways) or when I was given the baby back. Jeremiah had been holding her the whole time, standing right next to the bed but I was never aware. I know when I finally had her back in my arms I just wanted to nurse her and she was so uninterested. She was crying a lot and I joked that it was because she was mad at me for trying to hold her in. I felt like a failure. Even though I had just given birth I felt like I somehow messed up by holding her back. I don't know when but after sometime the midwives left assuring me that I did nothing wrong and I did a great job. We didn't weigh her or check her length they just wanted me to have some time with her. Then they were all gone and we were left alone. My head felt more clear and I had this overwhelming feeling that a crisis had been averted. I closed my eyes and said a quiet prayer and thanked God for my precious baby and that everything had turned out well.
Jeremiah held me as I held and nursed our new little princess. The only pictures I have with her are of me nursing her...so I'll save those for myself. Together both midwives brought me the most amazing blue berry pancakes and a strawberry banana smoothie. Along with my gourmet breakfast, my midwives and my sweet nurse brought an amazing peach cobbler "BIRTHday" cake and they sang me Happy BIRTHday. It was so touching.
After awhile our nurse came in and weighed the baby and checked her stats. Camryn was 8 pounds, 12 ounces and 19 inches long (at her first pediatrician appointment she was 21 inches so I'm not sure how accurate the length was). She had beautiful eyes, more hair than any of my other kids, and she was just gorgeous.
My midwife who had been attending to me came in with an older more experienced midwife. Throughout my pregnancy I had seen all 4 midwives at the office so I knew each of them well and she was at the top of my list. I needed someone to take charge because there was no way I was going to do this on my own. My poor, sweet husband had exhausted all efforts and he was right beside me but I could tell he too was weary. He continued to stay strong for me but he knew there wasn't much more he could say or do for me at that point. The new midwife took charge right away and decided she was going to check me....again. (Side note: Omgosh with the checking....Ive never been checked so much!!) My first midwife told her that my membranes hadn't ruptured yet. I was lying on my side and midwife #2 asked me to hold my leg up while she checked me but I'm pretty sure I refused. This is where things get really fuzzy and blurry. I don't know if #1 held my leg or if #2 did it or if I was actually holding it up even though I had refused....I don't think it really matters really but the next thing I know is that while she is checking me for dilation, knowing full well I'm at 10 and have been for awhile, my water broke. I remember that it was so painful and then pop my water broke and I had a massively painful contraction.
I began to cry, I was throwing a tantrum really and midwife #2 was asking what was wrong. She wanted to know if there was something she could help me work through because at that point I was basically refusing to have the baby. I explained that I was just scared, I didn't need to work through anything. I felt like an idiot because as a woman who had done this 6 times I couldn't understand for the life of me why I couldn't just have this baby. Why was I so damn scared??? I was screaming No! NO! Im not ready, Im not ready! It was the most terrifying, most insane moment of my life. In my head I'm thinking WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!? SHUT UP! YOU CAN DO THIS! But my mouth was screaming I CAN'T DO THIS! I'M NOT READY!!!
At some point during all of that they were getting the tub ready for me and I could hear it running in the background. At that point I wanted nothing more than to get in that tub and see if maybe the water could help me relax. During the next painful contraction I could feel the baby descending and I knew she wanted out. I knew my body was pushing but I was squeezing as tight as I could, willing myself not to push because I wanted to get to the tub before I had her. I don't know why but I had become fixated on the sound of the water running and I NEEDED to get in that tub.
When the contraction subsided Jeremiah helped me stand up and walk to the tub. Miah on one side and I think midwfie #2 on the other. Midwife #1 was already near the tub waiting for me...I think. Was the nurse there by the tub, too? I don't know. It's amazing to me how fuzzy this part was...how many holes there are in my memory only a couple days after I had her. I lifted my leg to step into the bath tub and I immediately felt the warm water around my foot, I lifted my second leg in and tried to sit down. I was paralyzed, as I was standing there halfway between standing and lowering myself into the tub the baby came ripping through me, ripping out of me. I tried to fight it but I was pushing and screaming. It was so immediate when I stepped my foot in the tub that Jeremiah didn't realize I was pushing. He was still trying to help me sit down in the tub when he realized she was actually right there, coming out. I stayed standing. I'm not sure who I was holding on to or who was holding on to me. I know Jeremiah must've been one of them but in that moment I was oblivious to anything but the baby. I pushed...at least I think I pushed...and I screamed and I screamed and I wondered if she was out yet. Had I delivered her head and shoulders yet? Was she still crowning? I dont remember the pushing as much as I remember the screaming.
It seemed like it all happened in less then a minute and then....she was there.
Somehow I sat down in the water or someone sat me down right as soon as I had her. I was handed my baby. I don't know who gave her to me. Midwife #1? I'm pretty sure she was the one that caught the baby. I was sitting in the water, holding my new baby. She was crying, I was crying. It was so fuzzy. Was she a girl? I checked. Yep. Was she alright? Yep. All I could say was "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Because I was so sorry I had tried to hold her in and keep her from coming. I felt horrible. I felt amazed. I felt relieved. I tried to keep her warm in the water as best I could while the midwives all fussed around me. I always wait for the cord to stop pulsating before I let them cut it. I guess her cord must have stopped because they got it ready, clamped it and Jeremiah cut it. In my head it seemed so soon for the cord to have stopped pulsating but I really have no sense of time for anything that happened from the time my water broke to when I had her or anything after. I know she was born at 9:25am.
Jeremiah was sitting on the edge of the tub and he was teary eyed and crying. He seemed so happy. I, however, was feeling like I was having an out of body expereince, like I was just watching everything that was going on around me. Generally, after I give birth I enjoy just holding my baby and "relaxing" until my body says it's time to deliver the placenta. Sometimes I nurse during this time, sometimes I don't. I remember sitting there holding her...It was like a dream....then I remember the water turning red. Blood slowly crawled across the water. I kind of felt like I was in a horror movie. It all seems like such a blur to me. I was there, it was happening to me but yet my memory seems as if I was just a spectator. I have no idea when they took the baby away. I know they gave her to Jeremiah but I don't remember giving her to him. Where did he go with her? Midwife #2 told me I needed to stand up and get out of the tub. I felt really weak and so, so tired. I tried to tell her to wait and give me a second because I didn't feel like I could get up but she didn't let me. In my minds eye she basically yanked me from the tub and made me go over to the bed. I vaguely remember it. I was standing next to the bed in my wet gown and they decided to have me take it off cause I was dripping wet. I laid down on the bed and someone was massaging my belly and kind of tugging on my cord to help deliver the placenta. They did this in hospital births but I never did this in home birth. I always delivered it when my body was ready. I kind of felt like something was wrong but I had no voice, I felt like I was on a cloud, so I just laid there. I was given a shot of pitocin and I was told I'd feel a pinch. I guess I agreed but I don't remember the "pinch," I didn't feel a thing. I was floating...floating...and people were all around but I don't know where my baby was.
I honestly don't remember when or how I got into bed properly (because before that i was laying sideways) or when I was given the baby back. Jeremiah had been holding her the whole time, standing right next to the bed but I was never aware. I know when I finally had her back in my arms I just wanted to nurse her and she was so uninterested. She was crying a lot and I joked that it was because she was mad at me for trying to hold her in. I felt like a failure. Even though I had just given birth I felt like I somehow messed up by holding her back. I don't know when but after sometime the midwives left assuring me that I did nothing wrong and I did a great job. We didn't weigh her or check her length they just wanted me to have some time with her. Then they were all gone and we were left alone. My head felt more clear and I had this overwhelming feeling that a crisis had been averted. I closed my eyes and said a quiet prayer and thanked God for my precious baby and that everything had turned out well.
Jeremiah held me as I held and nursed our new little princess. The only pictures I have with her are of me nursing her...so I'll save those for myself. Together both midwives brought me the most amazing blue berry pancakes and a strawberry banana smoothie. Along with my gourmet breakfast, my midwives and my sweet nurse brought an amazing peach cobbler "BIRTHday" cake and they sang me Happy BIRTHday. It was so touching.
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| 8 lbs 12 ozs!!! |
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| Chubby! |
After about 4 hours of observation we were released and we took Miss Camryn home to meet her big brothers and sisters. But that's a post for another day....
One last picture. This is Camryn and I right when we got home from the birth center. She is about 5 hours old here. :)
Thursday, September 6, 2012
The Birth of Camryn Part 2
I jumped out of bed as soon as the contraction passed and looked at the clock, 2:30am. Was this happening? Was this real? Jeremiah sat up in bed as I turned on the bathroom light, "Do we need to get ready to go?" He asked. I walked over to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror for awhile. "Yes."
This was new for us...the getting up and going. We weren't sure how soon was too soon but given that I generally birth very, very fast (45 minutes from first contraction to delivery with Liam to about 3 hours for the others) we decided to get moving as soon as I knew that I was in labor. We called the midwife and let her know we were on our way.
{{Side Track}}
With our first 3 children I had them at the hospital where I was induced (with 2 of them) for convenient reasons, given an epidural, and stayed in the hospital for a couple days after. With my next 3 children I had the amazing experience of delivering naturally at home, without medication, with the help of a midwife. I was also able to have a water birth with Aidan which was pretty amazing. My home birth experiences have been so wonderful that of course I assumed that any other children I have would be at home as well. When I found out I was pregnant with Camryn it was just a couple months after my surgeries. The Dr had warned against getting pregnant again before a year because of the damaged I received to my fallopian tube and ovary and even though there were precautions taken Heavenly father had other plans. Obviously I wanted a home birth but with that scare I started seeing an OB while I tried to make my decision as to where I would give birth to this baby. When we moved back, at around 22 weeks, I contacted the midwife who delivered Aidan thinking I would do another home birth. However, one day I stumbled upon the name of a birth center that had recently opened up in the area just 15 minutes or so from our home. I was interested in the concept of a birth center and decided to look into it. After touring the birth center I felt at home and comfortable with the midwives and the facility. I would still be with a midwife, I would still be able to birth my way-naturally with no intervention, and my insurance would pay for it. (BIG PLUS! since I've paid for everyone of my home births 100% out of pocket)
{{Back to the Story}}
I let my dad know that I was in labor and was leaving to go to the Birth Center. He lives about 10-15 minutes away and would be coming over to help with the children while we were gone. Jeremiah woke Ashlynne up and let her know we were leaving and that grandpa would be there soon. I had only had 2 contractions since I'd woken up and I told Jeremiah that I really wish that I had just one more before we left to know for sure that this was it. I walked into Ashlynne's room to tell her good bye and another big contraction hit....that was my confirmation. Out the door we went to the Birth Center. We talked in the car, listened to music, and I breathed my way through several more contractions. It was a short 20 minute drive and when we arrived we were greeted at the door by the midwife....it was a little surreal, I was going in waddling and I was going to be leaving here with a baby!!
I walked around the waiting area for awhile as they readied the room for me. I was 4cm dilated, almost completely effaced. My contractions were 8-10 minutes apart and I was trying to move things along with the walking. As soon as the room was ready we headed back and I changed into something other than sweats and a t-shirt....and then we waited. Labor continued but I was surprised at how long and dragged out it seemed to be compared to my other labors. I started second guessing myself. Am I really in labor? Is this going to end in another episode of painful braxton hicks that lead no where? I've had 6 other children so this really wasn't something I was brand new at. I knew when it was labor. Why was I doubting myself? Why hadn't my water broken?
We listened to a play list I had made on my iphone and I sang through my contractions, sometimes moaned through them despite the pain. I danced with my husband. We talked and smiled and then another contraction would come and he'd hold me and I'd hold him. Our midwife was in and out of the room letting Jeremiah and I do our thing as I labored. I appreciated the space to just do what I needed to do but I was starting to become anxious. I thought I was doing pretty good and things were going well but I couldn't understand why I wasn't progressing. There was an exercise ball in the room and I decided to do some bouncing to see if it would help move things a long. I bounced on the ball to help bring some more contractions. It worked to intensify the contractions and I really felt like it was doing some good...but the pain....yikes. I'm so used to labor being fast and furious that I never get to actually breathe and dwell on the pain too much. This time was different.
It was nearly sunrise and I just couldn't understand why I wasn't done already. It's silly when you think about it considering some women labor for 30 hours but I'm just not one of those ladies. I started to get into my head a lot, I started to create a mental block.
I just felt like the baby was floating there and like she wasn't doing anything to help the labor. I laid down for a bit, I felt the contractions but still didn't feel progress. I just wanted my water to break already, I was getting antsy. I stood up and walked around the bed during the next couple contractions. Jeremiah would hold my belly up and back to try and maybe correct the babies position a little and help make things progress. It helped to relieve some of the pain. I was trying everything I could think of, I felt like this was going to be a lot like Julianna...stuck at a 5, bulging waters but no progress because her head wasn't putting the pressure where it needed to be. I knew I needed the bag of waters to be broken. I knew from all of my other experiences that the minute my water broke the baby would come flying out of me. (Well maybe not flying....) I tried to use this knowledge to help me and I sat on the toilet several times to try and push through a contraction to help break my water but nothing happened. I felt like I was pushing uphill or something. I squatted by the bed and tried to push through a contraction and still nothing.
I was feeling defeated and frustrated. I didn't know if I was making this happen, if it was in my head. I was so upset that this wasn't working out like before. I wanted to get in the water but the midwife thought it would stall my labor so I didn't. The more wait time, the more contractions, the more anxious and nervous and scared I got about the impending birth. It was going to hurt, a lot. It already hurt a lot. I shut down. I was done. I didn't want to go on anymore. I wanted to go home. I couldn't do this. My midwife checked me and said that I was "almost there." She tried to get me to push just a little (even though I wasn't feeling push-y). She told me that I was right there and if I just pushed we could have the baby there in no time. She was trying so hard to be encouraging and I just couldn't pull myself out of my own head to make it happen. I was lying on my back. I half-heartedly tried 3 pushes and I couldn't do it. Nothing was happening and I was sort of scared for anything to happen because I didn't want to go through the pain of delivery. I was so tired. I was sad. I was scared. I was anxious. I was frustrated. I sat on the toilet crying and cussing and just so done with the whole process. Why wasn't my baby here? What was going on? If I could just get my water to break...if my water would just break. I wanted to go home so badly. I just wanted to be done. If I wanted that so badly why couldn't I make it happen? Why??? I was just so done. Jeremiah was trying so hard to talk me through it, to help me out of the funk I'd gotten myself into. He asked what I wanted to do and the only answer I could muster up was, "I want to go home, I don't want to do this anymore."
I was obviously tired and broken. My midwife suggested that I lay down for a bit and get some rest. I gladly accepted her offer, hoping and praying that sleep would come and I could avoid this whole birth thing.
...to be continued...
This was new for us...the getting up and going. We weren't sure how soon was too soon but given that I generally birth very, very fast (45 minutes from first contraction to delivery with Liam to about 3 hours for the others) we decided to get moving as soon as I knew that I was in labor. We called the midwife and let her know we were on our way.
{{Side Track}}
With our first 3 children I had them at the hospital where I was induced (with 2 of them) for convenient reasons, given an epidural, and stayed in the hospital for a couple days after. With my next 3 children I had the amazing experience of delivering naturally at home, without medication, with the help of a midwife. I was also able to have a water birth with Aidan which was pretty amazing. My home birth experiences have been so wonderful that of course I assumed that any other children I have would be at home as well. When I found out I was pregnant with Camryn it was just a couple months after my surgeries. The Dr had warned against getting pregnant again before a year because of the damaged I received to my fallopian tube and ovary and even though there were precautions taken Heavenly father had other plans. Obviously I wanted a home birth but with that scare I started seeing an OB while I tried to make my decision as to where I would give birth to this baby. When we moved back, at around 22 weeks, I contacted the midwife who delivered Aidan thinking I would do another home birth. However, one day I stumbled upon the name of a birth center that had recently opened up in the area just 15 minutes or so from our home. I was interested in the concept of a birth center and decided to look into it. After touring the birth center I felt at home and comfortable with the midwives and the facility. I would still be with a midwife, I would still be able to birth my way-naturally with no intervention, and my insurance would pay for it. (BIG PLUS! since I've paid for everyone of my home births 100% out of pocket)
{{Back to the Story}}
I let my dad know that I was in labor and was leaving to go to the Birth Center. He lives about 10-15 minutes away and would be coming over to help with the children while we were gone. Jeremiah woke Ashlynne up and let her know we were leaving and that grandpa would be there soon. I had only had 2 contractions since I'd woken up and I told Jeremiah that I really wish that I had just one more before we left to know for sure that this was it. I walked into Ashlynne's room to tell her good bye and another big contraction hit....that was my confirmation. Out the door we went to the Birth Center. We talked in the car, listened to music, and I breathed my way through several more contractions. It was a short 20 minute drive and when we arrived we were greeted at the door by the midwife....it was a little surreal, I was going in waddling and I was going to be leaving here with a baby!!
I walked around the waiting area for awhile as they readied the room for me. I was 4cm dilated, almost completely effaced. My contractions were 8-10 minutes apart and I was trying to move things along with the walking. As soon as the room was ready we headed back and I changed into something other than sweats and a t-shirt....and then we waited. Labor continued but I was surprised at how long and dragged out it seemed to be compared to my other labors. I started second guessing myself. Am I really in labor? Is this going to end in another episode of painful braxton hicks that lead no where? I've had 6 other children so this really wasn't something I was brand new at. I knew when it was labor. Why was I doubting myself? Why hadn't my water broken?
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| Jeremiah and I sometime around 5am...waiting, waiting, laboring |
We listened to a play list I had made on my iphone and I sang through my contractions, sometimes moaned through them despite the pain. I danced with my husband. We talked and smiled and then another contraction would come and he'd hold me and I'd hold him. Our midwife was in and out of the room letting Jeremiah and I do our thing as I labored. I appreciated the space to just do what I needed to do but I was starting to become anxious. I thought I was doing pretty good and things were going well but I couldn't understand why I wasn't progressing. There was an exercise ball in the room and I decided to do some bouncing to see if it would help move things a long. I bounced on the ball to help bring some more contractions. It worked to intensify the contractions and I really felt like it was doing some good...but the pain....yikes. I'm so used to labor being fast and furious that I never get to actually breathe and dwell on the pain too much. This time was different.
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| In labor...just after a contraction...I really tried to smile |
It was nearly sunrise and I just couldn't understand why I wasn't done already. It's silly when you think about it considering some women labor for 30 hours but I'm just not one of those ladies. I started to get into my head a lot, I started to create a mental block.
I just felt like the baby was floating there and like she wasn't doing anything to help the labor. I laid down for a bit, I felt the contractions but still didn't feel progress. I just wanted my water to break already, I was getting antsy. I stood up and walked around the bed during the next couple contractions. Jeremiah would hold my belly up and back to try and maybe correct the babies position a little and help make things progress. It helped to relieve some of the pain. I was trying everything I could think of, I felt like this was going to be a lot like Julianna...stuck at a 5, bulging waters but no progress because her head wasn't putting the pressure where it needed to be. I knew I needed the bag of waters to be broken. I knew from all of my other experiences that the minute my water broke the baby would come flying out of me. (Well maybe not flying....) I tried to use this knowledge to help me and I sat on the toilet several times to try and push through a contraction to help break my water but nothing happened. I felt like I was pushing uphill or something. I squatted by the bed and tried to push through a contraction and still nothing.
I was feeling defeated and frustrated. I didn't know if I was making this happen, if it was in my head. I was so upset that this wasn't working out like before. I wanted to get in the water but the midwife thought it would stall my labor so I didn't. The more wait time, the more contractions, the more anxious and nervous and scared I got about the impending birth. It was going to hurt, a lot. It already hurt a lot. I shut down. I was done. I didn't want to go on anymore. I wanted to go home. I couldn't do this. My midwife checked me and said that I was "almost there." She tried to get me to push just a little (even though I wasn't feeling push-y). She told me that I was right there and if I just pushed we could have the baby there in no time. She was trying so hard to be encouraging and I just couldn't pull myself out of my own head to make it happen. I was lying on my back. I half-heartedly tried 3 pushes and I couldn't do it. Nothing was happening and I was sort of scared for anything to happen because I didn't want to go through the pain of delivery. I was so tired. I was sad. I was scared. I was anxious. I was frustrated. I sat on the toilet crying and cussing and just so done with the whole process. Why wasn't my baby here? What was going on? If I could just get my water to break...if my water would just break. I wanted to go home so badly. I just wanted to be done. If I wanted that so badly why couldn't I make it happen? Why??? I was just so done. Jeremiah was trying so hard to talk me through it, to help me out of the funk I'd gotten myself into. He asked what I wanted to do and the only answer I could muster up was, "I want to go home, I don't want to do this anymore."
I was obviously tired and broken. My midwife suggested that I lay down for a bit and get some rest. I gladly accepted her offer, hoping and praying that sleep would come and I could avoid this whole birth thing.
...to be continued...
Thursday, August 30, 2012
The Birth of Camryn, Part I...
It was just a week ago Friday morning, 9 days over due. That morning when I woke up I felt like I'd been hit by a train. I ached all over, I couldn't walk without my legs feeling like they were on fire. I sat down on the couch and I couldn't keep my eyes open. I just felt like I was dragging all day long. Jeremiah and I met for lunch at a little sushi place and I could barely get down my miso soup and four small pieces of California roll. I kept thinking that maybe my body was gearing up for something but I didn't want to get my hopes up.
Later that evening I took Ashlynne to Walmart to pick up a gift card for a friend. Walking from the parking lot into the store was torture. I had to stop every few steps because my legs would lock from the pain and pressure of the baby being so low. No contractions just lots and lots of discomfort. I remember telling myself if I could just make it to the gift cards by the register I'd be ok. When we got there I realized we needed a card, now I had to convince myself to make it to the greeting card area and back to the register. I walked a few steps and stopped, walked a few more steps and stopped. It was so difficult to walk properly without the discomfort. Was this it? Was my water gonna break at Walmart? Was I going into labor? We got the birthday card and I decided we needed one more thing from the grocery area but as I walked halfway passed the clothes I realized there was no way I was going to make it to the grocery section. It just hurt so much to walk. Really I just needed to get out of there and get home.
Jeremiah was scheduled to substitute that evening until 10:30pm and was about an hour from home. I texted him to let him know how I was feeling but told him not to rush home just yet. When i arrived at home I still felt uncomfortable and out of sorts. I walked up the path to my house and stopped twice because of the pressure. I decided to sit down and relax for a bit then I took a warm shower. The shower helped ease the pain but maybe a little too much because soon I felt relaxed and then it was all over. I thought to myself, Great another false alarm good thing I didn't make Miah come home.
I waited up for him to come home and decided to do some walking around my house. I power walked in circles for about an hour. Liam walked with me and kept singing "we're running the baby out, we're running the baby out!" I didn't feel like I was making any progress and whatever pain I had been in just a few hours before was still not coming back. When Jeremiah came home I decided to just get some sleep....if it was going to happen then it would, if not then I'd still be pregnant in the morning.
I closed my eyes and began to dream that I was in labor. Waves of contractions came over me and I moaned through the pain. All of sudden a forceful contraction woke me up straight out of bed. Had i really been dreaming? It was 2:30 in the morning and I realized that this was it, this was real. I was going to meet my baby today.
Me at 41 weeks just 2 days before I went into labor...
Later that evening I took Ashlynne to Walmart to pick up a gift card for a friend. Walking from the parking lot into the store was torture. I had to stop every few steps because my legs would lock from the pain and pressure of the baby being so low. No contractions just lots and lots of discomfort. I remember telling myself if I could just make it to the gift cards by the register I'd be ok. When we got there I realized we needed a card, now I had to convince myself to make it to the greeting card area and back to the register. I walked a few steps and stopped, walked a few more steps and stopped. It was so difficult to walk properly without the discomfort. Was this it? Was my water gonna break at Walmart? Was I going into labor? We got the birthday card and I decided we needed one more thing from the grocery area but as I walked halfway passed the clothes I realized there was no way I was going to make it to the grocery section. It just hurt so much to walk. Really I just needed to get out of there and get home.
Jeremiah was scheduled to substitute that evening until 10:30pm and was about an hour from home. I texted him to let him know how I was feeling but told him not to rush home just yet. When i arrived at home I still felt uncomfortable and out of sorts. I walked up the path to my house and stopped twice because of the pressure. I decided to sit down and relax for a bit then I took a warm shower. The shower helped ease the pain but maybe a little too much because soon I felt relaxed and then it was all over. I thought to myself, Great another false alarm good thing I didn't make Miah come home.
I waited up for him to come home and decided to do some walking around my house. I power walked in circles for about an hour. Liam walked with me and kept singing "we're running the baby out, we're running the baby out!" I didn't feel like I was making any progress and whatever pain I had been in just a few hours before was still not coming back. When Jeremiah came home I decided to just get some sleep....if it was going to happen then it would, if not then I'd still be pregnant in the morning.
I closed my eyes and began to dream that I was in labor. Waves of contractions came over me and I moaned through the pain. All of sudden a forceful contraction woke me up straight out of bed. Had i really been dreaming? It was 2:30 in the morning and I realized that this was it, this was real. I was going to meet my baby today.
Me at 41 weeks just 2 days before I went into labor...
Monday, August 27, 2012
Baby Girl's Name....
I've gotten a ton of questions about our new little one's name and I thought I'd take a quick minute to tell you all about it.
All of our children, with the exception of our oldest Ashlynne, is named after someone in our family. Brinton after his great grandpa, Elise after my aunt, Julianna Kate after two of her great grandmothers, Liam (William) after my brother and uncle, and Aidan is named after my mother, Aida. It's important to us that our children have a strong name that they can look up to. We also choose to name them family names to honor those people who have had such a huge impact in our lives. Our new little one was no exception....
When we were waiting to find out the babies sex we made a whole list of names we loved. Most of these were male names and of the handful of female names nothing really stuck. The boy name we considered most strongly was Cameron Xavier after my husbands grandpa and my dad. When we found out out baby was going to be a girl Jeremiah wondered why we couldn't just name our daughter Cameron but change the spelling a bit to look more feminine. As soon as he said it I had this huge overwhelming feeling that it was exactly what we should do.
As for her middle name.... There is kind of a funny story that goes with that. My very most favorite person in the entire universe is my grandma Lucy. She is the most amazing woman ever and I have always wanted to name one of my daughters Luz or Lucy after her. HOWEVER, when I married I became a BOWLES. Thats Bowles like soup bowls or salad bowls or cereal bowls or ice cream bowls NOT BOWELS as in BM...you know, poo. Sadly, some people can't read and they constantly mistake my last name for feces. So.now just imagine if I was to name my daughter Luz or Lucy?! She would be Luz Bowles or if you can't read she would be LUZ BOWELS. My kid would be LOOSE BOWELS!!!! I couldn't do that to her.
Sooooooo....grandma's middle name is Aurora and much safer with our last name then Lucy.
So there you have it....our princess little miss Camryn Aurora.
All of our children, with the exception of our oldest Ashlynne, is named after someone in our family. Brinton after his great grandpa, Elise after my aunt, Julianna Kate after two of her great grandmothers, Liam (William) after my brother and uncle, and Aidan is named after my mother, Aida. It's important to us that our children have a strong name that they can look up to. We also choose to name them family names to honor those people who have had such a huge impact in our lives. Our new little one was no exception....
When we were waiting to find out the babies sex we made a whole list of names we loved. Most of these were male names and of the handful of female names nothing really stuck. The boy name we considered most strongly was Cameron Xavier after my husbands grandpa and my dad. When we found out out baby was going to be a girl Jeremiah wondered why we couldn't just name our daughter Cameron but change the spelling a bit to look more feminine. As soon as he said it I had this huge overwhelming feeling that it was exactly what we should do.
As for her middle name.... There is kind of a funny story that goes with that. My very most favorite person in the entire universe is my grandma Lucy. She is the most amazing woman ever and I have always wanted to name one of my daughters Luz or Lucy after her. HOWEVER, when I married I became a BOWLES. Thats Bowles like soup bowls or salad bowls or cereal bowls or ice cream bowls NOT BOWELS as in BM...you know, poo. Sadly, some people can't read and they constantly mistake my last name for feces. So.now just imagine if I was to name my daughter Luz or Lucy?! She would be Luz Bowles or if you can't read she would be LUZ BOWELS. My kid would be LOOSE BOWELS!!!! I couldn't do that to her.
Sooooooo....grandma's middle name is Aurora and much safer with our last name then Lucy.
So there you have it....our princess little miss Camryn Aurora.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
I'd like to introduce....
Our beautiful little Camryn Aurora
Born on August 25th at 9:25am
Weighing 8 pounds, 12 ounces and measuring 19 inches long.
Her birth story was a bit intense so I will write it up and post as soon as I've had time to really process it.
Thank you for all your love, support and well wishes.
Born on August 25th at 9:25am
Weighing 8 pounds, 12 ounces and measuring 19 inches long.
Her birth story was a bit intense so I will write it up and post as soon as I've had time to really process it.
Thank you for all your love, support and well wishes.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
I'm done being pregnant....
Warning: this is going to be a really whiny post so feel free to skip it. It's more for me then anyone else...I just need to vent. You've been warned.
Thursday I saw the midwife. I was 4cm dilated, easily stretched to 5cm, 90-100% effaced, "paper thin" and basically aside from having contractions I was ready to go. She stripped my membranes to see if that would get things going. It didn't.
I've been here so many times. I don't know why my body chooses to dilate over such a long long time and then all of a sudden when I'm in labor I only have 45 min -2 hours before they are born! It sounds kind of nice but it's really intense and I just never know when it's going to happen.
Any other woman would already be holding their baby but I walk around super dilated and fully effaced for weeks. It's not fair. Im trying to have a really good attitude about it and just go about my day as if everything is normal. No sense on spoiling a good day by staying in doors just waiting, right? But at night I stay awake all night tossing and turning, uncomfortable and wondering when the contractions will start or if my water will break this time. I waddle to the rest room several times a night, I waddle downstairs for large glasses of water and the whole time I feel 100% normal. Just pregnant Alida who still has a long time to go. I don't want a long time to go!
Im trying so hard not to be whiny because obviously I've had 6 children and I already know how this works but I am so ready to just have my family complete. Everything is ready. Everyone is ready. Even Liam talks to my belly and says "Come out Baby!!"The girls talk about "if you have the baby today..." or "do you think she is coming today...". It's so sad that I just can't say YES! For them and for me.
This is the part where natural childbirth is hard. Letting your body do its own thing at its own time and letting baby dictate when she is ready. Seeing all my friends that are due around the same time having inductions and holding their babies is torture some days. Weird because I know that's not the route that I have chosen for our family and for my body BUT some mornings I wake up and think it would be totally nice to walk right to a hospital and just have a csection and be done with it. That's just crazy talk, I know.
I just don't know what else I can do....and really the answer is NOTHING. I can do absolutely NOTHING. I'm not in control of this. I need to just trust in the Lord and his timing and in my bodies ability to have this baby. I hate not being in control. It's one of the hardest things for me but I know that's the role I need to play. I need to sit back and just let things happen the way they are supposed to happen. I can't be pregnant forever right? If I waited 43 weeks for Liam then my being 4 days over my due date at this point really is nothing compared to that. Right?
Thursday I saw the midwife. I was 4cm dilated, easily stretched to 5cm, 90-100% effaced, "paper thin" and basically aside from having contractions I was ready to go. She stripped my membranes to see if that would get things going. It didn't.
I've been here so many times. I don't know why my body chooses to dilate over such a long long time and then all of a sudden when I'm in labor I only have 45 min -2 hours before they are born! It sounds kind of nice but it's really intense and I just never know when it's going to happen.
Any other woman would already be holding their baby but I walk around super dilated and fully effaced for weeks. It's not fair. Im trying to have a really good attitude about it and just go about my day as if everything is normal. No sense on spoiling a good day by staying in doors just waiting, right? But at night I stay awake all night tossing and turning, uncomfortable and wondering when the contractions will start or if my water will break this time. I waddle to the rest room several times a night, I waddle downstairs for large glasses of water and the whole time I feel 100% normal. Just pregnant Alida who still has a long time to go. I don't want a long time to go!
Im trying so hard not to be whiny because obviously I've had 6 children and I already know how this works but I am so ready to just have my family complete. Everything is ready. Everyone is ready. Even Liam talks to my belly and says "Come out Baby!!"The girls talk about "if you have the baby today..." or "do you think she is coming today...". It's so sad that I just can't say YES! For them and for me.
This is the part where natural childbirth is hard. Letting your body do its own thing at its own time and letting baby dictate when she is ready. Seeing all my friends that are due around the same time having inductions and holding their babies is torture some days. Weird because I know that's not the route that I have chosen for our family and for my body BUT some mornings I wake up and think it would be totally nice to walk right to a hospital and just have a csection and be done with it. That's just crazy talk, I know.
I just don't know what else I can do....and really the answer is NOTHING. I can do absolutely NOTHING. I'm not in control of this. I need to just trust in the Lord and his timing and in my bodies ability to have this baby. I hate not being in control. It's one of the hardest things for me but I know that's the role I need to play. I need to sit back and just let things happen the way they are supposed to happen. I can't be pregnant forever right? If I waited 43 weeks for Liam then my being 4 days over my due date at this point really is nothing compared to that. Right?
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
40 weeks....
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| 40 Weeks....and counting.... |
I wore glasses today because my contacts were irritating the crud out of me. That NEVER happens. EVER. I could wear contacts every day for a year and never have dry eyes. Maybe it's a sign of impending labor?!
Yeah right.
I'm also running out of clothes to wear. My belly is just to big and I think I'm gonna burst any second. Now *that* should be a sign of impending labor, shouldn't it? Shouldn't baby recognize when mommy has run out of cute clothes? She should want to come out and save me from a life of frumpiness....shouldn't she?
Yeah right.
Oh well. 40 weeks today.
Lets see what the next few days...weeks?...bring.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Start and stop....
Thursday and Friday the baby was moving so, so much it was actually making me feel sick. I could tell her position was "posterior" meaning her back was to my back and her arms and legs were to my front. This is the opposite of how you want baby to be for birth of course but a lot of babies will turn during labor so it's not a huge huge deal or anything. Actually I delivered Brinton posterior and arm first so it can be done but I wouldn't suggest it. Anyway, back to my story...so she was moving so much she was making me feel ill, her position was weird, I felt off, she felt unsettled and it was just a really strange couple of days.
On Saturday I called into the midwife to just talk to her about this weird change in movement and she suggested I just come in for a bit to get checked and have a non-stress test done.
Well I'm 2cm dilated and almost completely effaced (which could mean nothing right) and after a short time on the monitor it seemed like baby was doing pretty well so we went home.
I didn't really do anything of note. We went to the pool, had a BBQ in the backyard with the kids and then went on a late night walk around the block to enjoy the cooler weather. At around 11pm I laid down to sleep and started having contractions. Real contractions. Contractions that got longer and stronger and closer together and some that I had to breathe through. At about 1:30 am they were 5-6 minutes apart and lasting about a minute and a half. I usually have fairly fast labors so I decided to get dressed around two-ish, brush my hair and get myself ready. At almost 3 something strange happened. The contractions started getting easier to manage, then started lasting only 30 seconds or so and then slowly they were gone.
To say I'm sad is kind of an understatement. I was all ready for this to be the real thing and it turned out to be a stop and go type deal. Today I've had contractions come and go but absolutely nothing that I can time. I walked home from church and went for a walk after Sunday supper and the only thing that brought me was fatigue and the need for a 2 hour nap.
I'm truly hoping that things start picking up again soon. I'd really like to meet our baby. I'm trying to be patient and let my body do its thing but it's no fun when my body keeps tricking me.
So that's my start and stop update....hopefully the next time it starts there won't be a stop.
On Saturday I called into the midwife to just talk to her about this weird change in movement and she suggested I just come in for a bit to get checked and have a non-stress test done.
Well I'm 2cm dilated and almost completely effaced (which could mean nothing right) and after a short time on the monitor it seemed like baby was doing pretty well so we went home.
I didn't really do anything of note. We went to the pool, had a BBQ in the backyard with the kids and then went on a late night walk around the block to enjoy the cooler weather. At around 11pm I laid down to sleep and started having contractions. Real contractions. Contractions that got longer and stronger and closer together and some that I had to breathe through. At about 1:30 am they were 5-6 minutes apart and lasting about a minute and a half. I usually have fairly fast labors so I decided to get dressed around two-ish, brush my hair and get myself ready. At almost 3 something strange happened. The contractions started getting easier to manage, then started lasting only 30 seconds or so and then slowly they were gone.
To say I'm sad is kind of an understatement. I was all ready for this to be the real thing and it turned out to be a stop and go type deal. Today I've had contractions come and go but absolutely nothing that I can time. I walked home from church and went for a walk after Sunday supper and the only thing that brought me was fatigue and the need for a 2 hour nap.
I'm truly hoping that things start picking up again soon. I'd really like to meet our baby. I'm trying to be patient and let my body do its thing but it's no fun when my body keeps tricking me.
So that's my start and stop update....hopefully the next time it starts there won't be a stop.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
39 Weeks and counting
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| This was actually take last week at 38 weeks....I wasn't in the mood for a 39 week pic so this will have to do. |
My husband has been out of town on a business trip this week so I've stopped willing her to come for the meantime. I have a feeling it would really stink if I had to deliver her all alone...well without a birth support aside from the midwife. He gets home tonight after being in Washington D.C. for the last 4 days so I'm hoping we'll have her tomorrow. LOL. A girl can wish right?! Actually for some reason we picked the worst possible time in the history of my crazy life to have a baby. (Seems to be a pattern with us). Actually considering we aren't moving this time around it's probably not bad, I've survived worse. It just seems like crazy timing because school starts on my due date August 15th so this next week is going to be a pretty busy one. We have open house at the middle school on Monday, at the elementary on Tuesday, Brinton starts Middle School on Wednesday, the little girls start elementary on Wednesday too. Ashy starts on Thursday....and some time during all that madness I may be having a baby! Oh and I still need to get a couple back to school outfits for the kiddos so they don't show up on the first day in summer rags. I have this massive list of things I need to do before school starts and I don't know from day to day if I'm even going to be around or in labor. In some cases it would be best if baby just stayed put until after the first week craziness is over but that makes me over due and I'm sick and tired of always going over. I've had 6 kids already can't #7 just appease me and turn up early or "on time"?? Lol. I'm so lame seeing as I know it's all about when she feels like coming and a due date isn't an expiration date. I'm just ready to have her and get on with having a family of 9. You know??
Anyway I really had no intention on rambling today. Sorry.
So to celebrate 39 weeks I decided to go get my funky, cracked nail polished toes all prettied up for labor and delivery. I made sure she painted them the most obnoxious pink she could find in honor of baby girl.
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| Swollen Pink Piggies |
When I came home Julianna was playing with the iphone and took 2 crappy pictures of me....she's too cute.
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| Holy Stomach....she got so close! |
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| I kinda wish this wasn't blurry, but I love that she was playing with my camera phone at this exact moment. |
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| I took this one.... |
So that's it for now. Sorry to bore you. Maybe the next blog post will be a baby announcement?
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Attack of the Pregnancy Hives....
It started Monday night.
I was getting ready for bed and noticed 3 tiny, itchy hives on my back. We had come from the pool and I hadn't taken my swimsuit off and I assumed that the chlorine was getting to me. I took a shower. The itching subsided. I went to bed.
Until 3am.
The itching woke me up, sat me straight up in bed. It was everywhere. My neck. My back. My belly. My arms. From neck to knees I was covered in itch. I jumped in a cool shower to try and stop the itch but it didn't work. The itch was getting worse and worse. There were huge raised welts and wheals of hives all over my body. I was crying, I was screaming, I was shaking. It was horrible. I broke down and called the midwife who told me to take some Benadryl and call in the morning to be seen. My husband rubbed itch cream all over my body to try and help soothe the itch. The pain. It felt like fire. He gave me a blessing of comfort, of healing.
I took the only Benadryl we had in the house, liquid Children's Benadryl and only enough for one small adult dose. I Itched for another 30-45 minutes and then promptly fell asleep. In the morning it appeared that whatever crazy freak hive invasion had taken over my body had subsided. I called and made an appointment for later in the morning still slightly itching but hive free.
On the drive over to the office it started again. Slowly at first a couple little hives cropped up on my arms and hands by the time I got there it was all over my arms and it just continued to get worse by the minute. I was in the office pacing back and forth trying not to scratch myself to death. I was nauseous from the itch almost vomiting twice. I was seen promptly, had some blood drawn, told it was possibly a food allergy (I didn't eat anything out of the ordinary), or PUPPS (a pregnancy rash that last till delivery) or possibly issues with my liver function. She gave me a prescription for a steroid and 50mg of Benadryl every 6 hours.
I went straight to Walmart and bought my prescription and Calamine lotion, and aveeno cream, and hydrocortisone.
Nothing worked. The itch was so intense I was begging for death. I took several excruciating ice cold showers that only gave me relief for a couple minutes. The only thing I could do was dope myself up on Benadryl and pray for sleep.
In the middle of the night I was again awoken by hives and an itch that felt like 1,000 fire ants eating my flesh. I filled the tub with the coldest water available from my tap and cried and screamed. It was absolute, pure torture. The only relief was when I got out because I couldn't handle the pain anymore.
I pleaded and begged the Lord to let me sleep until it was time for another dose of Benadryl to put me out of my agony and off to sleep again.
In the morning when I woke my arms looked like this:
My legs looked like this:
My belly and back looked much the same.
After my morning dose of Benadryl and steroid it was starting to clear up slightly. Later I had a follow-up appointment at the midwife's office. Luckily, I was able to drive there without too much itching. Blood tests came back normal, hives still cropping up everywhere....she suggested that I try aloe with lidocaine to help the itch and keep taking the medicines as prescribed. We honestly have no clue what in the world is causing this hellacious rash. I ran to Walmart, bought aloe, went home, took off all of my clothes slathered it all over me and went to sleep.
I laid in bed itching, crying, sleeping, slathering aloe on my arms and legs and belly for the next 3 days. I completely stopped functioning as a mother, wife, and human being. It was pure hell. Thank goodness for my daughters who took care of the baby every morning and my dad who came over and helped out every day with everything, and my husband who spent all evening after work and all day Friday and Saturday tending to the needs of 6 children and a sick, itchy, (b)itchy wife.
By late Saturday/Sunday the hives had mostly subsided but I was left with a horrific itch on the palms of my hands and soles of my feet. Every now and then small patches of hives would crop up on my legs and arms but they were bearable. I'm not sure if I just got so used to it or if it really was winding down. I finished my steroid and took half the doses of Benadryl. Thank goodness because I felt more alert and alive then I had in days.
Monday same thing. Itchy feet that I soaked in ice water till I could no longer feel them. Little patches of hives that would crop up on my arms and then go away within 30 minutes. I only needed one dose of Benadryl to get through the day. I even took a shower, got dressed and took Ashlynne to a friends house and picked her up.
It's Tuesday night, a full week and a day since this whole ordeal began. This rash has become my Voldemort, my "he-who-shall-not-be-named" for fear that it shall rear it's ugly little head again. I'm hesitant to say I'm 100% better but it's been a really good day and I hope it stays like this.
I was getting ready for bed and noticed 3 tiny, itchy hives on my back. We had come from the pool and I hadn't taken my swimsuit off and I assumed that the chlorine was getting to me. I took a shower. The itching subsided. I went to bed.
Until 3am.
The itching woke me up, sat me straight up in bed. It was everywhere. My neck. My back. My belly. My arms. From neck to knees I was covered in itch. I jumped in a cool shower to try and stop the itch but it didn't work. The itch was getting worse and worse. There were huge raised welts and wheals of hives all over my body. I was crying, I was screaming, I was shaking. It was horrible. I broke down and called the midwife who told me to take some Benadryl and call in the morning to be seen. My husband rubbed itch cream all over my body to try and help soothe the itch. The pain. It felt like fire. He gave me a blessing of comfort, of healing.
I took the only Benadryl we had in the house, liquid Children's Benadryl and only enough for one small adult dose. I Itched for another 30-45 minutes and then promptly fell asleep. In the morning it appeared that whatever crazy freak hive invasion had taken over my body had subsided. I called and made an appointment for later in the morning still slightly itching but hive free.
On the drive over to the office it started again. Slowly at first a couple little hives cropped up on my arms and hands by the time I got there it was all over my arms and it just continued to get worse by the minute. I was in the office pacing back and forth trying not to scratch myself to death. I was nauseous from the itch almost vomiting twice. I was seen promptly, had some blood drawn, told it was possibly a food allergy (I didn't eat anything out of the ordinary), or PUPPS (a pregnancy rash that last till delivery) or possibly issues with my liver function. She gave me a prescription for a steroid and 50mg of Benadryl every 6 hours.
I went straight to Walmart and bought my prescription and Calamine lotion, and aveeno cream, and hydrocortisone.
Nothing worked. The itch was so intense I was begging for death. I took several excruciating ice cold showers that only gave me relief for a couple minutes. The only thing I could do was dope myself up on Benadryl and pray for sleep.
In the middle of the night I was again awoken by hives and an itch that felt like 1,000 fire ants eating my flesh. I filled the tub with the coldest water available from my tap and cried and screamed. It was absolute, pure torture. The only relief was when I got out because I couldn't handle the pain anymore.
I pleaded and begged the Lord to let me sleep until it was time for another dose of Benadryl to put me out of my agony and off to sleep again.
In the morning when I woke my arms looked like this:
After my morning dose of Benadryl and steroid it was starting to clear up slightly. Later I had a follow-up appointment at the midwife's office. Luckily, I was able to drive there without too much itching. Blood tests came back normal, hives still cropping up everywhere....she suggested that I try aloe with lidocaine to help the itch and keep taking the medicines as prescribed. We honestly have no clue what in the world is causing this hellacious rash. I ran to Walmart, bought aloe, went home, took off all of my clothes slathered it all over me and went to sleep.
I laid in bed itching, crying, sleeping, slathering aloe on my arms and legs and belly for the next 3 days. I completely stopped functioning as a mother, wife, and human being. It was pure hell. Thank goodness for my daughters who took care of the baby every morning and my dad who came over and helped out every day with everything, and my husband who spent all evening after work and all day Friday and Saturday tending to the needs of 6 children and a sick, itchy, (b)itchy wife.
By late Saturday/Sunday the hives had mostly subsided but I was left with a horrific itch on the palms of my hands and soles of my feet. Every now and then small patches of hives would crop up on my legs and arms but they were bearable. I'm not sure if I just got so used to it or if it really was winding down. I finished my steroid and took half the doses of Benadryl. Thank goodness because I felt more alert and alive then I had in days.
Monday same thing. Itchy feet that I soaked in ice water till I could no longer feel them. Little patches of hives that would crop up on my arms and then go away within 30 minutes. I only needed one dose of Benadryl to get through the day. I even took a shower, got dressed and took Ashlynne to a friends house and picked her up.
It's Tuesday night, a full week and a day since this whole ordeal began. This rash has become my Voldemort, my "he-who-shall-not-be-named" for fear that it shall rear it's ugly little head again. I'm hesitant to say I'm 100% better but it's been a really good day and I hope it stays like this.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Fat, Swollen Fingers
I consistently wear two rings on my finger every day. My wedding ring on my left hand and my mothers 25th anniversary ring that she gave to me while she was still alive on my right hand. I never, ever take my rings off. Ever. I don't even get them cleaned frequently I think it's been 5-6 years on both!! That's kind of ICK! I guess?!
Admittedly, I'm not really as skinny as I used to be and the rings already fit me a little snug. I guess if had taken them off at the beginning of my pregnancy I wouldn't have had any issues but since I had no foresight that my hand would blow up like the marshmallow man I didn't.
That was my right hand on Thursday. Swollen, itchy, painful, and turning slightly purple. I guess swelling is a side effect of pregnancy? I don't know I've never experienced it before. My left hand looked much worse but I didn't think to snap a picture of it. I went online to try and find out the best method to remove the rings. I even turned to Facebook which yielded about 31 responses from ice to dental floss to getting them cut off by a jeweler. I first tried rubbing lotion all over my hands and twisting to help slide the ring off and nothing. I tried spraying Windex on my finger and same thing twisting the rings off. It sounds strange but after trying it I can totally see how it would work, just not on me. I held my hand above my head for 10 minutes to reduce swelling. I iced my finger for over 30 minutes. I used baby oil and nothing, nothing, nothing worked. After 2 days of this I gave up and went to a jeweler and had them cut my beautiful precious rings off my fat swollen fingers.
(look at the indents in my fingers! That was about 5 minutes after the rings were cut off!)
As sad as I was to see my rings like that the relief from finally having them off my fingers was amazing. Eventually I'll get them repaired (for a price of course) but I'm going to wait until after the baby comes and my swelling settles down.
In the meantime my loving husband not wanting me to go without a wedding ring for the next several months bought me the most amazing sapphire (my birth stone) and diamond ring in a looser, bigger (but not to big) size that I can comfortably wear during the day and take off at night when most of the swelling occurs.
I really wasn't expecting it because I just planned on buying a cheap-y $10 adjustable ring at Walmart or something so being given this beautiful ring was such a sweet special surprise.
I guess I had to get something nice for all my trouble, right?!
Admittedly, I'm not really as skinny as I used to be and the rings already fit me a little snug. I guess if had taken them off at the beginning of my pregnancy I wouldn't have had any issues but since I had no foresight that my hand would blow up like the marshmallow man I didn't.
That was my right hand on Thursday. Swollen, itchy, painful, and turning slightly purple. I guess swelling is a side effect of pregnancy? I don't know I've never experienced it before. My left hand looked much worse but I didn't think to snap a picture of it. I went online to try and find out the best method to remove the rings. I even turned to Facebook which yielded about 31 responses from ice to dental floss to getting them cut off by a jeweler. I first tried rubbing lotion all over my hands and twisting to help slide the ring off and nothing. I tried spraying Windex on my finger and same thing twisting the rings off. It sounds strange but after trying it I can totally see how it would work, just not on me. I held my hand above my head for 10 minutes to reduce swelling. I iced my finger for over 30 minutes. I used baby oil and nothing, nothing, nothing worked. After 2 days of this I gave up and went to a jeweler and had them cut my beautiful precious rings off my fat swollen fingers.
(look at the indents in my fingers! That was about 5 minutes after the rings were cut off!)
As sad as I was to see my rings like that the relief from finally having them off my fingers was amazing. Eventually I'll get them repaired (for a price of course) but I'm going to wait until after the baby comes and my swelling settles down.
In the meantime my loving husband not wanting me to go without a wedding ring for the next several months bought me the most amazing sapphire (my birth stone) and diamond ring in a looser, bigger (but not to big) size that I can comfortably wear during the day and take off at night when most of the swelling occurs.
I really wasn't expecting it because I just planned on buying a cheap-y $10 adjustable ring at Walmart or something so being given this beautiful ring was such a sweet special surprise.
I guess I had to get something nice for all my trouble, right?!
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
10 things about this pregnancy...
Here I am at 32 weeks. I look so happy, so glow-y, so adorable. (Based on Facebook comments, of course. I'm not *that* full of myself) I'm calling BS....I'm often pretty miserable....but it's a cute picture, right?
So now for a random list of 10 things about this pregnancy. Good, Bad, Ugly, Beautiful
1. This is my 9th pregnancy. 7th child. Pregnancy #4 resulted in miscarriage and Pregnancy #8 was an ectopic. I'm only 31 (almost) but my body is so much older this time around. It aches where I didn't know it could ache. You figure I'd be a pro by now but NOPE there are apparently more muscles and ligaments that still need to stretch?!
2. It doesn't matter how many times I've been pregnant I LOVE to feel my little creation moving around inside me. Sometimes when I'm sitting down and it feels like the baby is literally reaching her hand out of my body it doesn't feel so great but generally it's awesome.
3. I'm kind of to the point where my clothes don't necessarily fit that great anymore but buying new things for the last 8 weeks seems pointless. I occasionally have 1-2" of my belly sticking out under a shirt that's just a pinch too snug....I'm sure it looks really hot. Not.
4. At the appointment with my midwife last week I got a huge shock from the scale. I now weigh more than I ever have in my entire life. Ever. Yay me?! I'm usually not overly concerned with my weight but my heart kind of skipped a beat and I kind of said "yikes" which is ridiculous because I'm growing a baby. Weight happens. Right? Right? On the up size my chest is quite a bit bigger. :)
5. People notice you when you are pregnant. You kind of become a celebrity in some ways. People get up to offer you their seat. Old ladies smile at you as you walk by. People let you cut them in line at the grocery store. Then there are the people that try to rub your belly without asking...total strangers!! Back off! Or they think they have free license to say things to you that are totally inappropriate. One time a man was standing next to me in the bread aisle at the grocery store. I was on my cell phone talking to someone and he looks over at me, points at my belly and says, "Oops!" I lifted my hand to show him my wedding ring on my finger (as if too justify the pregnancy??) and he says "oh good girl, good girl." It was so strange! Imagine if he knew that this was actually my 7th baby?! I booked it out of the bread aisle as fast as I could.
6. Speaking of this being my 7th baby people are always amazed when they find out. I get the weirdest comments. "wow, you know how that happens right?" "You've got your hands full." "Are they all yours and your husbands?" "You need some extracurricular activities." "Are you trying to replenish the earth single handedly?" I read the funniest comeback today to the question "Are you done after this one?" I simply need to start saying "Nope, We'll stop when we get an ugly one!" I'm so going to use that next time.
7. Gestational Diabetes. I guess there is a first time for everything. It's awful. I'm cranky and depressed. I realized I have absolutely zero discipline when it comes to food. (I've never needed to have discipline) They've given me this diet which I'm sure comes straight from Hell and I have to draw my blood 4x a day to test my sugar. I keep telling myself 8 more weeks but really seriously I'm not sure I'll make it. People take weeks and months to change over to high protein, low carb diets. I was given 24 hours. I'm happy to say I have been keeping my blood sugar in check but it's been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in pregnancy and I have a bad attitude. The end.
8. Sneeze-pee. Strange vivid pregnancy dreams. Waking up 10x a night to get a drink of water and go the bathroom....only sometimes I can't really "get up" it's more like flip-flop my body back and forth, count to 5, heave ho and lurch my body forward to a sitting position so I can swing my legs around to the side of the bed and attempt to bring my self to a standing position. Then I waddle, waddle, waddle myself wherever I need to go.
9. My kids are so excited to meet their new little sister. Ashlynne constantly begs me to take her shopping for clothes for the baby. Brinton loves babies and can't wait to hold her. He wants to be the first. Elise likes to hold on to my belly and feel her move. Julianna struggled at first because she wanted to be the only "baby" girl in the family but she is so excited about helping me dress her up and has plans to change her clothes 5 times a day. Liam always talks to my belly and calls his baby sister by her name. He makes up songs about how much he loves her. Aidan knows there is a baby in my belly. He has no clue what that means. He is in for an interesting experience come August.
10. I am so incredibly grateful for the amazing blessing that my Heavenly Father has given me by entrusting me with another one of choice little spirits. I love the opportunity that pregnancy gives me to reflect on life, family and the ultimate plan of happiness. I am so excited to meet the newest little member of our family and ultimately every discomfort, ache, pain and annoyance is absolutely 100-million-billion percent worth it.
1. This is my 9th pregnancy. 7th child. Pregnancy #4 resulted in miscarriage and Pregnancy #8 was an ectopic. I'm only 31 (almost) but my body is so much older this time around. It aches where I didn't know it could ache. You figure I'd be a pro by now but NOPE there are apparently more muscles and ligaments that still need to stretch?!
2. It doesn't matter how many times I've been pregnant I LOVE to feel my little creation moving around inside me. Sometimes when I'm sitting down and it feels like the baby is literally reaching her hand out of my body it doesn't feel so great but generally it's awesome.
3. I'm kind of to the point where my clothes don't necessarily fit that great anymore but buying new things for the last 8 weeks seems pointless. I occasionally have 1-2" of my belly sticking out under a shirt that's just a pinch too snug....I'm sure it looks really hot. Not.
4. At the appointment with my midwife last week I got a huge shock from the scale. I now weigh more than I ever have in my entire life. Ever. Yay me?! I'm usually not overly concerned with my weight but my heart kind of skipped a beat and I kind of said "yikes" which is ridiculous because I'm growing a baby. Weight happens. Right? Right? On the up size my chest is quite a bit bigger. :)
5. People notice you when you are pregnant. You kind of become a celebrity in some ways. People get up to offer you their seat. Old ladies smile at you as you walk by. People let you cut them in line at the grocery store. Then there are the people that try to rub your belly without asking...total strangers!! Back off! Or they think they have free license to say things to you that are totally inappropriate. One time a man was standing next to me in the bread aisle at the grocery store. I was on my cell phone talking to someone and he looks over at me, points at my belly and says, "Oops!" I lifted my hand to show him my wedding ring on my finger (as if too justify the pregnancy??) and he says "oh good girl, good girl." It was so strange! Imagine if he knew that this was actually my 7th baby?! I booked it out of the bread aisle as fast as I could.
6. Speaking of this being my 7th baby people are always amazed when they find out. I get the weirdest comments. "wow, you know how that happens right?" "You've got your hands full." "Are they all yours and your husbands?" "You need some extracurricular activities." "Are you trying to replenish the earth single handedly?" I read the funniest comeback today to the question "Are you done after this one?" I simply need to start saying "Nope, We'll stop when we get an ugly one!" I'm so going to use that next time.
7. Gestational Diabetes. I guess there is a first time for everything. It's awful. I'm cranky and depressed. I realized I have absolutely zero discipline when it comes to food. (I've never needed to have discipline) They've given me this diet which I'm sure comes straight from Hell and I have to draw my blood 4x a day to test my sugar. I keep telling myself 8 more weeks but really seriously I'm not sure I'll make it. People take weeks and months to change over to high protein, low carb diets. I was given 24 hours. I'm happy to say I have been keeping my blood sugar in check but it's been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in pregnancy and I have a bad attitude. The end.
8. Sneeze-pee. Strange vivid pregnancy dreams. Waking up 10x a night to get a drink of water and go the bathroom....only sometimes I can't really "get up" it's more like flip-flop my body back and forth, count to 5, heave ho and lurch my body forward to a sitting position so I can swing my legs around to the side of the bed and attempt to bring my self to a standing position. Then I waddle, waddle, waddle myself wherever I need to go.
9. My kids are so excited to meet their new little sister. Ashlynne constantly begs me to take her shopping for clothes for the baby. Brinton loves babies and can't wait to hold her. He wants to be the first. Elise likes to hold on to my belly and feel her move. Julianna struggled at first because she wanted to be the only "baby" girl in the family but she is so excited about helping me dress her up and has plans to change her clothes 5 times a day. Liam always talks to my belly and calls his baby sister by her name. He makes up songs about how much he loves her. Aidan knows there is a baby in my belly. He has no clue what that means. He is in for an interesting experience come August.
10. I am so incredibly grateful for the amazing blessing that my Heavenly Father has given me by entrusting me with another one of choice little spirits. I love the opportunity that pregnancy gives me to reflect on life, family and the ultimate plan of happiness. I am so excited to meet the newest little member of our family and ultimately every discomfort, ache, pain and annoyance is absolutely 100-million-billion percent worth it.
Monday, April 23, 2012
23 Weeks...
23 weeks today.
Baby Girl is likely measuring nearly 11.5 inches long! That's almost a whole foot! She's about 1.1 pounds which means she really hasn't gained tons since last week (so says the pregnancy app on my iPhone).
17 weeks or so to go (but really we all know she is going to show up whenever she feels like it)
Baby Girl is likely measuring nearly 11.5 inches long! That's almost a whole foot! She's about 1.1 pounds which means she really hasn't gained tons since last week (so says the pregnancy app on my iPhone).
17 weeks or so to go (but really we all know she is going to show up whenever she feels like it)
Monday, April 16, 2012
22 Weeks....
22 weeks Pregnant
Baby Girl is roughly 11 inches long and weighs about 1 lb.
18 weeks left to go....
Baby Girl is roughly 11 inches long and weighs about 1 lb.
18 weeks left to go....
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Team Pink or Team Blue?
We are thrilled to announce the upcoming arrival of our 7th child
due on, or slightly before, or sometime after August 15, 2012.
Lucky Baby #7
We have 3 girls and 3 boys so our new baby will be the tie breaker....I wonder who will win? Team Pink or Team Blue? We had our ultrasound on Monday and sadly it was the first "twenty week/gender check" ultrasound for any of our children that Jeremiah was unable to attend because he has been working out of town all week. :(
We went and purchased a beautiful card which I took with me to the ultrasound appointment. I instructed the nurse that we wanted find out the gender but that we would like her to put the results in the card to be sealed and opened at a later date. She did just that. She took all her measurements, showed me the baby on the viewing screen, we listened to the heartbeat (153 bpm) and then she turned of the viewing TV so that she could check the gender. When she had looked and felt certain that she knew the gender she printed off some pictures, had me clean that sticky gel off my belly and sent me out of the room so she could write the gender down in the card and put the photos that showed gender in there as well. She sealed it up....came out of the room and handed it to me.
There it is...teasing me....taunting me....
Actually it hasn't been that hard. It just feels like the week has gone on forever and I can't wait for Jeremiah to get home tomorrow night so we can open it as a family and finally find out what we are having.
We went and purchased a beautiful card which I took with me to the ultrasound appointment. I instructed the nurse that we wanted find out the gender but that we would like her to put the results in the card to be sealed and opened at a later date. She did just that. She took all her measurements, showed me the baby on the viewing screen, we listened to the heartbeat (153 bpm) and then she turned of the viewing TV so that she could check the gender. When she had looked and felt certain that she knew the gender she printed off some pictures, had me clean that sticky gel off my belly and sent me out of the room so she could write the gender down in the card and put the photos that showed gender in there as well. She sealed it up....came out of the room and handed it to me.
There it is...teasing me....taunting me....
Actually it hasn't been that hard. It just feels like the week has gone on forever and I can't wait for Jeremiah to get home tomorrow night so we can open it as a family and finally find out what we are having.
What do you think? Team Blue or Team Pink?
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