Updates and a 2nd Surgery.....

So many things to share. I don't even know where to begin or how to explain. First, the pathology came back on my d&c last week and it turns out that it was not a molar pregnancy. What relief, that removes so many of my fears like the weekly blood draws, and possible chemo treatments. However, it does mean that I had a miscarriage which makes things just a little more heartbreaking and real.

As for all the complications and set backs I've had, I basically spent the weekend in agony. I felt like I had the flu with a fever that kept coming and going, body aches, and this nagging sharp pain in my right side that just would not go away. There was so much pain in my side that it was making my shoulder and neck hurt and I was on pain meds! Ug! I just don't even want to relive that experience right now.

On Monday I had my blood drawn, vitals taken, and a second ultrasound to check on what we believed to be an abscess or a hematoma, what I'll call "the mass". My labs came back good and there wasn't a huge significant change in the mass on the ultrasound so I was offered two options,
A) keep taking the antibiotics, pain medicine as needed and have another ultrasound in 2 to 4 weeks to check and see if the mass resolved on it's own.
B) Have laparoscopic surgery to drain/remove the mass

Jeremiah and I went back and forth on what we should do. At one point I decided to just wait it out. There were too many conflicts and there was never going to be a good time to have a surgery, plus I didn't want a second surgery. However, the thought of another 2 to 4 more weeks being in that kind of sick, disgusting pain made me even sicker. I couldn't fathom the thought of being so sick and helpless for that much longer. I'm a mom of 6, I don't have time to be sick and I've already taken enough time being ineffective and unproductive this last week. Ultimately, I made the decision to go ahead and have the surgery.

I went in to the hospital yesterday and they took me back immediately and prepared me for surgery. The nurse asked me if I was going to be admitted and I said No because I was under the impression that I was just going to have the thing drained or removed and go home shortly after. Well turns out the orders said something about probable removal of right ovary and tube and a bunch of other medical mumbo jumbo and I panicked. I already had an IV going but I was pretty much ready to walk out the door. I kind of love my reproductive organs and I'd really like to keep them so the thought of a possibility of losing one just wasn't sitting right with me. I was pretty vocal about it too. I refused to sign the consent until I spoke with the doctor. As soon as I had the opportunity to speak with her I felt a peace and calmness about what she was preparing to do. She really did feel like the likelyhood of removal was very small but they truthfully had no idea what this mass really was. She offered a few theories and spent a lot of time explaining everything to me. Let me just tell you my doctor is quite possibly the most amazing woman I have ever met. She has superb bedside manner and I really feel like she cares about me. I feel so blessed that she decided to take me on as a patient. So all that said I signed the consent for surgery form, they gave me some Verced for anxiety, rolled me into the surgery room and I was out.

Recovering after Surgery #2

So here is where the story gets wild. Truthfully, I personally haven't spoken to the doctor yet so I don't have a ton of answers myself just a million questions.

I remember waking up in recovery, hearing the nurses speaking to each other, checking on me, etc.

Then I heard my doctor's voice say: "You probably won't remember anything I say to you...."

My husband chimes in, "But it's okay she talked to me..."

Doctor: "I'm so glad that we did the surgery because you had an Ectopic Pregnancy."

Me: "Do I still have my tube and ovary?"

Doctor: "Yes we were able to save everything"

Me: Yay! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Everyone was dumbstruck to say the least. NOBODY ever expected it to be something like that, in fact, they had ruled out ectopic pregnancy AND let's not forget I just had a d&C for a uterine miscarriage last week!! Imagine if I had opted to wait the 2 to 4 more weeks!

So obviously I have so many questions, so many things I don't understand and 4 small incisions in my belly that hurt so much I can't imagine what a c-section must feel like. Yes, Doc talked to my husband but he didn't ask the kind of questions that I want to ask and he can't explain it back to me the way she explained it and I'm still totally in shock over the whole thing.

For now Vicodin is treating me well....or bad if you consider my recent ridiculous rants on facebook while "under the influence" or the crazy texts I sent my best friend today while I swear I was on the couch sleeping. Yeah, um, that stuff is powerful and makes me pretty loopy to say the least but I'm recovering well. In fact aside from the pain due to surgery I actually feel 100% better today. The sick feeling is gone, the headaches, body aches, nausea, are all gone. So now I take it day by day until my next appointment with the doctor when hopefully all my questions will get answered and hopefully this blog can returned to cute pictures and funny stories about our family.

Complications...

I've had a few setbacks since surgery.

After surgery I had a ton of pain on my right side. I initially thought it was totally normal but even with pain medication it wasn't getting any better. I made a call to my doctor on Wednesday and the nurse told me to continue taking the pain meds and if I developed a fever or the pain intensified to call in the morning. I went about my day popping pain meds like candy and trying to feel as best as I could. I should mention that I hate medicine. I don't take tylenol for ANYTHING. I just as soon deal with the pain or the sickness and let it run it's course, so the fact that I have been relying on the medication so heavily is a pretty good indication of my pain level.

Thursday morning I woke up feeling like I was literally going to die. I felt horrible. I could not get out of bed and when I finally did my legs hurt so bad I crumbled under my own weight and was left crawling back up the stairs to my bedroom. It was not pretty. I placed another call to the doctor who urged me to come in immediately. When I arrived I was moving so slowly as every muscle in my body hurt, I literally felt like my life was going in slow motion. I had a fever of 101.2 and cold sweats that had my top drenched. After a quick check she decided I had developed an infection and needed to be treated. My blood was drawn and then I was immediately given a shot of anitibiotic in my hip and given a prescription for two more antibiotics to continue taking at home. I was told to call first thing in the morning to let them know how I was feeling. Afterward I went home, crawled in bed and slept the rest of the day only waking to check my temperature and take my medicine.

This morning at around 8am my fever finally broke, however, the pain continued. I made my follwup call and they had already scheduled me to go to the hospital for a CT Scan and more blood tests. I got to the hospital around 11am, they drew my blood and then sent me in for my scan. They got my iv going so they could give me contrast with the scan. I was lying on my back in the CT machine and they began the contrast injection. All of a sudden my whole body was warm and my mouth was filled with the nastiest, metallic taste ever. I laid there in discomfort for awhile when all of a sudden I had the most overwhelming feeling to sit up. I asked if I could sit up and breathe for a second and they ran over to me, unhooked my IV contrast and handed me a blue baggie. I must say my next thought was that I just needed some air and I was not going to puke...my very next thought was...barf. 7 times. It was lovely. We then finished the scan, I went and ate some lunch and went home to lay down and feel sick some more. BUT, when I got home the doctor called and said there was something concerning on the CT Scan and that I need to go back to the hospital for a sonogram! Blah!

So at around 1:30 I went back to the hospital for yet another test. My sweet, wonderful doctor actually came over to the hospital while I was having my sonogram done so she could see first hand what we were looking at.

So here is what I know:

It appears to be some sort of abscess or hematoma.

I had 3 options:
1. Be admitted this evening or tomorrow morning for surgery to have it drained.
2. Be admitted this evening or tomorrow morning for pain management and to see if it will go away on it's own.
3. The conservative method of continuing to take the antibiotics, dealing with the pain with a stronger pain medication, and returning on Monday for more labs and hopefully we won't have to do surgery.

Because my white cell count was back to normal she felt like I could go the conservative route and aside from suffering through the pain the next few days I might be able to avoid the surgery. My first thought was to just get it done and over with this evening. The pain sucks. It's awful. I wouldn't wish it on anyone and truthfully I can't be a mom while I'm stuck in bed in horrible pain or doped up on medication. There were a lot of family conflicts though and somehow it just seemed better to wait it out until Monday in hopes that I can avoid the surgery all together.

Jeremiah is up in Kansas City for the night and into tomorrow as he teaches a class at ITT Tech in the morning. My dad was visiting this week to help me out with the children but he has returned to Kansas City this evening as well. The good thing is that they took the three boys with them leaving just the girls here at my house. Truth is even though I won't be much of a mother this evening or tomorrow the girls should be ok with me until Jeremiah returns early tomorrow evening.

So, that's my crazy life. I can't ever do anything simple...didn't you know??

Surgery Day for that Stinky Molar Pregnancy

Today I've been "pregnant" for 13 weeks.

I could write a novel but in short today was a crappy day.  I spent all night tossing turning and having nightmares worthy of horror movies.  I had to be up early to get the kids onto the school bus and then I had to drive Ashy to school because she needed to be at the middle school earlier then the bus would get her there.  I came home and tried to catch a few zzz's before I needed to be at the hospital at 830am.  When it was time to go I was an emotional wreck.  Internally kicking and screaming the whole way over there.  I kept saying I don't want to go!  I dont want to Be here!  You can say I had a little bit of anxiety.  I guess everything I've been feeling the last week up until now was the calm before the storm.  Add to the emotional breakdown in the middle of it all I received a text message from one of my pregnancy apps (that I had forgotten to deactivate) which welcomed me to my 13th week and told me all of the wonderful things baby and I would be experiencing this week. Suck it stupid app. Talk about timing.

We took a couple of pictures to waste time. I had to wear my glasses because you can't wear contacts during surgery. That was pretty disppointing....I hate glases.




After a long wait I was prepped for surgery, taken back and I barely remember laying down on the table and the next thing I know I was waking up in recovery. Jeremiah spoke with the doctor and patiently waited for me in the waiting room they placed him in until I was out of recovery. I was trying to rest as best I could but I frequently opened my eyes and realized Jeremiah was not with me. After an hour in recovery a nurse (who i had not seen before) came in and asked if I wanted some juice. I told her I'd like to see my husband and she said sure. After a couple of minutes she came back (without the juice) and asked what my husband was wearing, I described, she left. After another minute or so she came back again (still no juice) and said she could not find him and asked for a cell phone number, I gave it, she left. After another minute she came back and said he didn't answer, she left a message and he must have left the building after speaking with the doctor (meanwhile he is sitting in the waiting room they placed him in, where his cell phone has NO SERVICE...did I mention she still didn't bring the juice?). So I waited. I waited about 20 minutes and then I began to cry. Hysterically. How could my husband leave me? This was our baby. How could he leave? I cried like that, sobbing as loud as could be for roughly ten minutes. I know because I was watching the clock waiting and waiting for him to come in. I had now been in recovery for an hour and half. Soon my real nurse (who was amazing and wonderful) popped her head in the room, saw me sobbing and I asked for my husband again. She went right to the waiting room where he had been sitting the whole time and got him for me. No one ever looked in there for him. He was in there with other people it's not like some huge mystery that he would be in there. My nurse apologized, Jeremiah and I cried together, my sweet nurse finally brought me some juice AND a grape snow cone. I stayed for about 4 hours afterward and when I was stabilized I came home.

When the doctor spoke with Jeremiah she said that the pathology will be back within a week but everything went well.  I have a follow up appointment next week to meet with her and start the fun of weekly blood draws to monitor my HCG levels.  The hope and prayer is that they get to zero with no further complications.

As for right now let me just say that pain meds work great to counter the effect of the other medicine which is causing my uterus to contract and create some pretty rough cramps. So HOORAY for pain meds.  

I guess I did kind of write a novel, huh? Sorry.

A little something growing inside of me....Warning: This is a long Post.

It's weird to make an announcement and then take it away in the same sentence but that's exactly what I'm going to do... I'm 12 weeks pregnant and I'm not 12 weeks pregnant. I mean my body thinks it's pregnant but it's not really. Is that the weirdest thing you've ever heard?

Let's go back a little bit...

In June of this year a pregnancy test revealed that I was expecting our 7th child. Aidan wasn't quite 8 months old yet and I was in complete and total shock, this was a huge surprise. Of course we would love more children and will gladly and willingly accept any sweet little blessings the Lord chooses to send our way BUT I really wasn't expecting another baby so close to Aidan, or while Jeremiah was still in school....I was thinking like another 5 years or so, not so soon. I told Jeremiah but otherwise I kept it to myself while I continued to process what this would mean for our family in the coming months. I hadn't told anyone until about 3 weeks ago and even then it was very, very few people. I'm not sure why I wasn't ready to shout it from the mountain tops but it was just taking a really, really long time for me to get used to the idea.

In the last 6 weeks I've been sicker then I've ever been in any pregnancy, I've been more tired then I've ever been in any pregnancy, I've been crankier then I've ever been in any pregnancy. I have really smooth, really beautiful easy breezy pregnancies so I figured that this was just going to be the one that wasn't as easy and chalked it all up to morning sickness and early pregnancy pains. My belly was growing and showing. I can't wear any of my normal clothes but still I felt in some sense I was hiding it well...maybe I just thought I was?! Or maybe people were being really nice and not asking?? I don't know.

I've been planning another home birth and found a wonderful midwife that I really feel fits my personality well. I chose to also go to an OB doctor for my bloodwork, sonogram and as a back up doctor in case my plans for a 4th home birth didn't pan out.

So that brings us to this week....Week 12....

It all started on Tuesday with an appointment with the nurse practioner. We went through all the routine stuff...weight, blood pressure, etc. and then it was time to get out the doppler and search for a fetal heartbeat. Well she heard nothing. I was obviously disheartend but this being my 8th pregnancy I know my body really well and on occasion (like with Aidan) I haven't heard the heartbeat until 13-14 weeks. (Weird, I know) So I walked away thinking it was much of the same and tried not to worry to much.

On Wednesday I had an appointment with the midwife. She came to my home, we talked for a long while, she did much of the same weight, blood pressure, etc. and then it was time to get out the doppler and search for a fetal heartbeat. Again, nothing. Again, I thought well this is typical didn't hear anything yesterday either.

About 2 hours later I had some concerning developments and after a telephone conversation with my midwife and a loving blessing from my husband I went to the Emergency Room to check things out. When I arrived it was much of the same weight, blood pressure, etc. exam, etc. blood tests, etc. and then after several hours they decided to do a sonogram.

As I was having the sonogram done the ultrasongrapher confirmed what I already knew deep down, there was no heartbeat. But wait...there was no baby. No baby?! Her words were, "I'm not gonna fib to you, I don't see a baby. I see "stuff" but I don't see a baby." My first thought was "Stuff." What's that mean?? But, I didn't ask. When she was done she returned me to my room to wait for the doctor. After TWO HOURS he finally came in to talk to me about what was going on. By then anything that was concerning to me (ie. the spotting) had completely subsided (and still has not returned.) I just didn't understand what in the heck my body was doing. Why was I so sick? What is this "stuff" inside my uterus?

The doctor explained to me that what I probably have is something called a molar pregnancy. I had never heard the term before but from my research the best way to explain it is a non-viable egg is fertilized and implants in the uterus the way a normal pregnancy would. However, as the cells that help an embryo attach to the uterus and help form the placenta multiply it becomes a slow-growing cyst like tumor. It only occurs in 1 in every 1,500 women in the United States....lucky me. Molar pregnancies can sometimes change into a type of cancer called choriocarcinoma or gestational trophoblastic tumor.

So I've been chewing on that diagnosis since about 1:30am Thursday Morning. As you know Ashy had her first day of school yesterday which meant we had to be up by 6am. I had long day yesterday, barely slept last night, and then I had to wake up at 6am again this morning for another first day. It's been kind of a weird couple of days. I've been super happy for my kids and trying to take in all of this information at the same time. I've gotten little sleep, have little appetite and yet I feel a peace surrounding me that is undescribable.

Jeremiah and I were able to meet with a doctor this morning and discuss what happens next. We've scheduled surgery for Tuesday morning to remove the mole and hopefully that will do the job. After surgery I will have to have my blood drawn weekly so that she can monitor my HCG levels (which at this point are soaring through the roof high). She'll monitor them until they've fallen to an undetectable level. However, she did say that the cells in a molar pregnancy are pretty agressive. Sometimes instead of the HcG levels going down to zero they will plateau or they might even peak as it starts developing again. If this were to happen then I will have to have chemotherapy to get rid of it all for once and for always.

That's a lot to take in.