my grandmother & I, outside my mother's funeral
I really don't want to revisit January, two years ago. *sigh*
On January 22, 2009, I lost my best friend. My mother. She was the most amazing, loving, selfless, outgoing, funny, loud, crafty, smart, friendly, and kind person I have ever known. After a two year battle with cancer she passed away at home surrounded by her children, husband, mother and sister. Cancer sucks. I know I shouldn't say "sucks" but it's actually the nicest word I could muster up. Cancer stole my mother from me, from my dad...her eternal companion of 46 years...from her grandchildren...
Before she passed we spent a wonderful Thanksgiving together, a lovely Christmas, a Happy New Year 2009, and then my parents got on a plane and flew home. 20 days later she left this mortal life. The only thing she hoped for was to spend the holiday with us and her every wish was fulfilled. The Lord is good.
2 years seems like an eternity since I've seen her. 2 years feels like she just left my side. 2 years has only slightly numbed the pain and closed the wound. Oh how my heart aches for my mommy. I miss her on important days, holidays, and birthdays. I miss her when I want to complain about how hard being a mom and wife is. I miss her when I want to share how fulfilling it can be. Sometimes I pick up the phone to call her and tell her something funny and I remember. 2 years hasn't been long enough.
The last phone message she left me just 2 weeks before she passed away went like this: "You know, you have 5 kids and right now it's hard but as they grow they'll settle down and you will see, it will be a pleasure, it will really be a pleasure. I love you. I want you to know I love you...."
Those words have become my motto, my personal theme when days get rough....IT WILL BE A PLEASURE.
So I know this is supposed to be a photo of me 2 years ago {see above} but I couldn't close this post without leaving a couple more photos.
6 comments:
Alida, I think you're amazing. I remember how hard it was for you when you lost your mother and my heart still goes out for you. Her loss is still pretty fresh for you and the ache for her will never go away. My mother has been gone for 15 years now and I still miss her like crazy.
Now you have six kids and your life is hectic, insane, lovely and wonderful. You're an amazing mother, just as yours was, and I know she's looking down on you and is so proud of you and the beautiful woman, wife and mother you have become.
-Mary (Breitenstein) Mauck
I think you're such an amazing being and I feel blessed for having you in my life. I know I'm not your mother, but I am A mother. So if you should ever feel the need please call me or message me or email me or just hollah! Please know that my heart has ALWAYS been with you even through the years I wasn't around much. Love you Lida : )
Beautifully put. I know that these pains will be swallowed up in joy as soon as we are back together, but for now- it hurts. No matter how you twist it around and how much perspective and faith you have- It just hurts. Sending you hugs.
Regina
Your mom was one of a kind - in the very best way :) I love that woman! What an honor it is to be her daughter!!!
Oh my gosh, Alida! You have me bawling my eyes out. What a wonderful tribute to your mother and I am so sorry that she had to leave you the way she did. She was an amazing person and I'll never forget how much I learned from her when I was her Visiting Teacher. You are lucky to have had such a great mother. I love you and miss you too!
Wow. Cancer does suck! My father has a purple button that says Cancer sucks on it. My step-mom passed away from cancer on Jan 12, 2009. Just 10 days before your mother. And it was by far one of the hardest things that I have had to go through. I am so sorry that you had to go through it too.
Heather Sykes
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